I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
