see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
