it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
