last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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