So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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