He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
