I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
