The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
