We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm drive I can fine osifer
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
