I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
