Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
