I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're so nebulous sometimes
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
