I will die if light touches me.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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