ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he puts the penis in happiness.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
