we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she smelled like a LAN party
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't deserve a penis
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
