How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Buhtt sex?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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