when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
