I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
