Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
