a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
