Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
