I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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