he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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