well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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