Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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