and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize