Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
