Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
