Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
