My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
