Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
