for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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