Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The power of my boobs compel you
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize