weddingsv make me drug and hornr
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my being single is dangerous.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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