You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
