you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
