did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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