my phone needs a breathalizer
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
