You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize