I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
