Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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