The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
