So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The adults are the big ones right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
