R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have already put on my inside pants.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
