You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
