i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
