If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
