yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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