Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
