this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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