you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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