dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
