That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
