the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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