that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
