i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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