Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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