pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
