Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
