Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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