then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
