you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
