covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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