then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
