i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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