How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize