Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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