You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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