The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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