It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
