im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize