My friends, they love my intelligence
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
