It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
love makes seman taste better
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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